That's it

Well now you know all my thoughts while I was away. I don't know how interesting it is but at least you know where I am now.
As most you know I kinda laid low for about a month or so since I came back.
I think I would have liked to see people but I just couldn't.
Not feeling compleatly myself.
QLD didn't work out, Moving back home hasn't exactly worked either, I still haven't got a stable income and I'm not working full time (hoping to change that next week).
I'm thinking that I want to travel but when? Where? How? Who with? I don't know.
Things are starting to look up now for the first time.
The sun still shines and tomorrows another day.
I'm so thankful that I have such wonderful supportive friends and people around me.

Continued on the plane - last entry

- Yea, I'm back in Australia passing over Port Headland at the moment, But I'm arriving into Melbourne at 1.10 AM NOT PM like the stupid woman in England told me.

11th 0r 12th December Sat or Sun???

I've totally lost my patience for anyone. I'm tired, there's an old woman sitting next to me coughing, herking up lugies, sniffing, swallowing and I am making it bluntly obvious that she's being a PIG. That's so disgusting!!!
There's an Australian girl not far, sitting near me but I can hear "English accent" is coming through. Nah , can't be bothered talking to anyone. I want sleep, so badly. I'm so tired, hungry - really tired and when I'm really tired and hungry I'm awful - just ask Colin!!! Poor thing he's seen me in best form! I'm fine once I've eaten and slept but until then I'm...Not nice and I don't care about being "nice".
This stupid Indian woman let her little baby boy fricken run around the airport and she didn't care what he was doing. I watched him make a bee line towards someone's dropped bit of bread on the ground, the kid picked it up and ate it! The mother didn't even know she wasn't even watching him! It was a rather bit piece of bread he took a bite then I couldn't stand it, I took it off him, threw it in the bin scowled and said loudly "That's disgusting!" I greased off in the direction of his mother. Some parents are so . Put the kid on a leash! He must have been all of 12 or 14 months! Ugh!

10th continued December

11.45 PM
I'm at Dubai something funny just happened. I ate this tuna and corn sandwich, well half it tasted yuk, then I felt like I was going to hurl.
I saw these signs with pictures of a female on one and a male on the other, it had their type of writing on the sign.
I walked quickly into the women's and turned the corner - huh???
Where's the toilets? How come this looks like a change room? Why are they sitting on the floor...- maybe the toilets are behind that wall - no. Showers for your feet???
- huh?? What is this???!!!
I walked quickly out looked around and up again - I walked into moske prayer room!!!
I started laughing to myself. Then this Indian looking Brazil top wearing guy calls out "Have you finished your prayer??!!" I just laughed, he and 5 or 6 of his friends saw me do it and they were in stiches!! The look on my face would have totally given it away. I'll double check next time!
Oh, I still feel sick.
I was thinking about buying some alcohol duty free - but unfortunately I still can't look at the stuff without my stomach turning. Oh, that bad going away night.Argh.
I can't carry anymore anyway.

10th December

I spent last night in a hotel. 65 pounds later! I don't care. I had a shower, sleep, dinner,breakfast, my own toilet and shower, privacy and a big double bed which was comfortable and the bus to the air port picked me up right out the front. Very good.
Now I'm at the airport waiting to get on my plane. I might do some shopping in Dubai. It's very cheap there.
I have traveled so much with Jesus/God it's been an amazing learning time. It's hard to believe it's been a month! So much has happened!
It's kinda weird going back to Melbourne - even if it is just for a week. There's a cheap flight to Rocky so it looks like I'll be on that.
I want to spend Christmas with Dave. I don't know if I'll be able to afford it. Who knows?! Maybe after a month or two.
I've just finished reading the book I started on the flight over it's called Don't let her see me cry by Helen Barnacle. It's a book that reminds me about compassion.
It makes me think about maybe living as a lead tenant. The big sister program maybe? Rosies in Brisbane?
Just do what Gods will is for me. But for now I have to go and see Ness.

Continued 8th dec 12.30 AM

Well so much for thinking the airport didn't close. It's closed.
I'm sitting on a chair with what seems to be a homeless guy sleeping 5 chairs down from me. Behind me there are three people lying down sleeping and they have luggage to, so I'm sitting behind the sleeping lady.
It's better to be around people.
I went to wash my hands and I'm allergic to the soap and there's no water to rinse my hands so I used a baby wet wipe, my hands are bright red and stinging.
-
God I'm so stupid. I should have known. SO stupid. I'm sorry. Forgive me Lord, protect me and watch over me, as I know your doing so.
11 hours to go till I can go to that hotel room. Shower and sleep.
Oh,sigh,oh stupid me.
It's a time where I just want Brad. Security,Friend, comfort.
SHIT, I'm a dumb FUCKER!!!!!
I can't sleep for two reasons. 1., I don't trust these people around hear and I have to be aware of my surroundings. My money, bags - anything could happen.
I'm scared.
God is with me. I feel he's warmth. Comfort. I'm Ok.
Ok now it's 4 AM - still awake.
I really need a shower, clean clothes and sleep right now. I'm thinking I'll move to Brisbane for awhile. Get involved with Rosies up there for awhile. I just want a change from Melbourne for a bit.
I'm in so much dept and that's not including the extra slab I'll get hit with from Steiner for breaking my contract.
I could have a new car deposit with that. Oh well.
It's 6 AM -
My eyes are falling out of my head. I can't sleep yet. If I sleep now, I might not wake up till who knows when and I don't / can't leave my bags. This is so bad!
I need sleep! I can check in to my hotel at 12 , I'll be there at 11.30.
There is a crying, squealing kid behind me. Just give it what it wants!!
Shut up! God get them away, it's just a noise!
7.40 AM
I have to write this or else I'll fall asleep. I already did about five times ,just shut my eyes and drift off to sleep.
Hmm - the only souvenir I got from the ship was this pen I took.
Oh gee, I have to sleep.

8th December

4.05 AM
Well I guess one hour of sleep in 24 hours isn't to bad...Hmmm another 25 hours to go...hmm I have a feeling jet lag might be a problem...Again!!
Ok hears where I stand. I'm at the Heathrow airport waiting for Emerits airline to open. Maybe they have a cancellation - God I hope so. Altho I've been told that if I don't get one the next available flight is in - wait for it - June 12th.
I can pay 600 pounds and be in Sydney in 25 hours but that's $2,400 which I haven't got and I don't want to pay back to anyone. Hmmm, If worst comes to worst I could live at YMCA and get a job hairdressing in either London or Watford and I guess stay till June 12th. I'm not really worried or concerned about anything because my faith is in God. I have e mailed Matt who I met in Watford before I left and I'll give Alex and Cinn an e mail too later on tonight.
Bless Sarah she's also got friends over hear and said to ask her for anything. So with that and the YMCA I should be fine. I'm running out of money and I'm not telling mum I don't want her to worry about me.
I just have to get a job ASAP. I want to see Ness and Dave (cousins in QLD) the hot weather! I hate this cold crappy weather! Oh well, just take what's given to you. I'm really not worried. God will work things out. I know he will.
Nothing is as bad as it may first seem. Mums going to expect me to call...All's good :-) I'm in no contract.
Oh please God, find me a flight tonight, One I can exchange for the other I have in July. Please God, Work things out for the best.
Oh God please work in Brads heart, Help him to be able to find me a flight, accommodation or something. He seems really genuine and caring. Keep him with that feeling God, Also please help the Emirates ticket desk to be just as nice and friendly and helpful. It's in your hands.
(Brad Anderson - above was one person who really stood out in the airport, he worked at the desk in Emirits. He made such a true caring effort for me.)
You know what - I've lost track of time but I do know that I got about One and a half hours of dozing sleep in the past 30 hours and I'm not tired. Funny that.
Well this is going to be a looong night.
It's just gone 7.30 pm and I am spending the night at the airport.
No sleep.
I've booked a room at some cheap hotel near the airport tomorrow night.
I'll go in at 12 noon. So I will. I want to shower, wash my hair,sleep...
Mum's looking forward to seeing me so that's good. I'm looking forward to seeing Tessa baby (my cat).
Oh yeah, I couldn't find that Brad guy but trust in God. I fly out of Heathrow airport to Dubai on Friday morning then I spend about 6 or 7 hours at Dubai then I fly to Melbourne. Then I get over my jet lag and fly to Rockhamption.
Hmm... I feel abit awkward seeing a few people back home again. They might feel the same. Oh well.
I'm feeling delirious.
I feel abit dizzy. Vague. I think I'm over tired. What will it be like in 16 hours?!?
Awake I hope cos` I have to check into the hotel. There are hundreds of people hear tonight.
Did I mention that I saw the new Fitness trainer who was going on board? I had talked with her at Steiner and the YMCA. I told her a few things about the ship. That the moneys not worth it but the people are all really nice - well she would need that positive note. No need to say anything negative she doesn't need that sort of start.
My eyes are so heavy. I can't fall asleep. Someone might take my stuff. I'm sitting on it.
Gosh, it's getting hard to keep my eyes open it's 8.10 pm.
9PM.
Just downed a red bull.

7th Dec

It's 8.35pm and yes - I'm on a plane headed for London.:-)
I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision but during the ride to the airport I knew that I'd made the right choice. Even sitting hear I'm so glad that I don't have to be on there! Jennifer was a blunt, rude, arrogant, hard little woman.
I'm glad I don't have to see her again! I did see God in her tho, others liked her - men, others, but we clashed. Only after she found out I was leaving.
Jason (manager) Is just like my ex house mate Martin!!
Looks, acts ,he's dismissive - if he doesn't want to talk to you he won't. Even if you ask him a question! He'll ignore you and walk off! He's also really not a morning person where I am and I don't think he even woke up until 11am! I mean he did get up at 8am!
Out of work hours he wasn't to bad. He was a JACKASS on a POWER TRIP.
Oh well - I figure now - I'm happy. I don't know what's around the next corner and I like it that way. I'm no longer in a contract and I can do what I like. I called mum at the airport. It was good we had a laugh and she's glad I sounded happy. My friend makes me laugh! He's e mail, He's a sweetie really, he's e mail was so supportive and made me laugh.
I'm so glad I have the support of my friends and prayers of my friends.
(ha,ha a lady dropped her dinner rubbish everywhere! She spilt her water before! That's kinda funny :-)Glad she's not sitting next to me!)
It's funny I don't think I have really felt homesick. I mean I missed my personal space at home and stuff, but I never cried about it.
Colin sent me this e mail saying how I wasn't a failure and Mum, Dad and he loved me and how Australia really is the best place to live. That really brought a tear to my eye. After all the horrible things I've said to him and he still stands by me.
It's a nice feeling.
Maybe that's why I don't feel homesick because Fi, Kerryn, Thea, Ange and all my friends back home show so much love and support towards me. God thank you soooo much for bringing them into my life. Flick wrote this beautiful letter which brought tears to my eyes. How everyone of my friends plays a part in my life and makes me so happy!
Just thinking of them,Thea, Ange and our talks, Little Jacob and Abbys hair cuts Fi and Kerryn helping me walk with Jesus and Brad helping me grow into the person I am. Everyone plays a part in that.
Jacob the American guy e mailed me - I wonder if i'll ever see him again?
This flight is for 13 or 14 hours. Then another 24 hours from London! I can't sleep altho it's a really nice plane. Nice food, toilets are really good and big chairs.
I also think that I'm not homesick because 'm reading an Australian book and the Author talks about Melbourne and it's surrounding areas and I know them. Also I've been listing to Brads CD, Lucys CD, Ausssi Guy Sebastian and Delta's CD's. So I guess that helps.
I find that when I think about things Rosies always comes up. They all make me smile too! :-) I'm soo Happy!
I'll eventually get my Guitar,piano and surf board.
I have to laugh at myself because even tho the other day was really good with the Spanish guy Cristian, By the time I had to leave, I was like, yeah,see ya later.
A morning was enough. Then I think I'm like that with everyone. I just get sick of them quickly. Altho Jacob was nice I didn't have to be around him the whole night.
He was cute, nice, intelligent and could speak English ( that always helps!):-)
I put my cabin bag through the x ray machine and my purse - they stopped me. They told me to go over to this table and a security guy comes up and says
"have you got a knife?"
"No"
"Do you have a knife?"
"no."
I showed him my bad, took all my stuff out of it and laid it on the table - I had no knife! Like I'd be stupid enough to to that!
They put my bad through again and I saw the screen - oh - opps, I totally forgot, I didn't even check that my army set had a knife in it and it was in the front of my bag.
"Oh"
"What's this?" He says holding up the fork
- What do they eat with their hands!?! He was serious!
"A fork" I said showing him how to undo the army set of knife,fork and spoon. He let me keep the spoon but he kept the fork and knife.
I thought it was humorous when I get on the plane and they give me a steel knife,fork and spoon with my dinner!! What the!!
The knife on the plane was actually pointer and sharper then mine!

7th December

It's 8.35pm and yes - I'm on a plane headed for London.:-)
I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision but during the ride to the airport I knew that I'd made the right choice. Even sitting hear I'm so glad that I don't have to be on there! Jennifer was a blunt, rude, arrogant, hard little woman.
I'm glad I don't have to see her again! I did see God in her tho, others liked her - men, others, but we clashed. Only after she found out I was leaving.
Jason (manager) Is just like my ex house mate Martin!!
Looks, acts ,he's dismissive - if he doesn't want to talk to you he won't. Even if you ask him a question! He'll ignore you and walk off! He's also really not a morning person where I am and I don't think he even woke up until 11am! I mean he did get up at 8am!
Out of work hours he wasn't to bad. He was a JACKASS on a POWER TRIP. Oh well - I figure now - I'm happy. I don't know what's around the next corner and I like it that way. I'm no longer in a contract and I can do what I like. I called mum at the airport. It was good we had a laugh and she's glad I sounded happy. My friend makes me laugh! He's e mail, He's a sweetie really, he's e mail was so supportive and made me laugh.
I'm so glad I have the support of my friends and prayers of my friends.
(ha,ha a lady dropped her dinner rubbish everywhere! She spilt her water before! That's kinda funny :-)Glad she's not sitting next to me!)
It's funny I don't think I have really felt homesick. I mean I missed my personal space at home and stuff, but I never cried about it.
Colin sent me this e mail saying how I wasn't a failure and Mum, Dad and he loved me and how Australia really is the best place to live. That really brought a tear to my eye. After all the horrible things I've said to him and he still stands by me.
It's a nice feeling.
Maybe that's why I don't feel homesick because Fi, Kerryn, Thea, Ange and all my friends back home show so much love and support towards me. God thank you soooo much for bringing them into my life. Flick wrote this beautiful letter which brought tears to my eyes. How everyone of my friends plays a part in my life and makes me so happy!
Just thinking of them,Thea, Ange and our talks, Little Jacob and Abbys hair cuts Fi and Kerryn helping me walk with Jesus and Brad helping me grow into the person I am. Everyone plays a part in that.
Jacob the American guy e mailed me - I wonder if i'll ever see him again?
This flight is for 13 or 14 hours. Then another 24 hours from London! I can't sleep altho it's a really nice plane. Nice food, toilets are really good and big chairs.
I also think that I'm not homesick because 'm reading an Australian book and the Author talks about Melbourne and it's surrounding areas and I know them. Also I've been listing to Brads CD, Lucys CD, Ausssi Guy Sebastian and Delta's CD's. So I guess that helps.
I find that when I think about things Rosies always comes up. They all make me smile too! :-) I'm soo Happy!
I'll eventually get my Guitar,piano and surf board.
I have to laugh at myself because even tho the other day was really good with the Spanish guy Cristian, By the time I had to leave, I was like, yeah,see ya later.
A morning was enough. Then I think I'm like that with everyone. I just get sick of them quickly. Altho Jacob was nice I didn't have to be around him the whole night.
He was cute, nice, intelligent and could speak English ( that always helps!):-)
I put my cabin bag through the x ray machine and my purse - they stopped me. They told me to go over to this table and a security guy comes up and says
"have you got a knife?"
"No"
" Do you have a knife?"
"no.strong>"
I showed him my bad, took all my stuff out of it and laid it on the table - I had no knife! Like I'd be stupid enough to to that!
They put my bad through again and I saw the screen - oh - opps, I totally forgot, I didn't even check that my army set had a knife in it and it was in the front of my bag.
"Oh"
"What's this?" He says holding up the fork
- What do they eat with their hands!?! He was serious!
"A fork" I said showing him how to undo the army set of knife,fork and spoon. He let me keep the spoon but he kept the fork and knife.
I thought it was humorous when I get on the plane and they give me a steel knife,fork and spoon with my dinner!! What the!!
The knife on the plane was actually pointer and sharper then mine!